Divorcing a Narcissist

High conflict behaviour can make divorce more challenging. A narcissist may attempt to delay or manipulate the process or involve children. 

To avoid delays, an evidence-driven approach may be required with clear boundaries and proactive case management.

Being structured is key. It’s important to avoid direct confrontation and (where possible) document all interactions, keeping communication in writing. 

If your spouse is harassing you or being coercive, protective measures like non-molestation orders and/or occupation orders may be necessary.

The child’s best interests are always at the heart of the court’s approach (known as the paramountcy principle). If your spouse’s behaviour is harmful — for example, involving emotional manipulation — this can influence decisions about child arrangements.

 Evidence that the court may look at includes school reports, witness statements and assessments by experts.

Keep communication to a minimum. Deal with divorce and financial matters via your solicitors. Use a parenting app to communicate regarding children. This will maintain a healthy distance while at the same time keep a contemporaneous record to all communications.

Understanding the nature of the behaviour that you've been subjected to during the marriage will help to drive you towards your new future. You can also use this knowledge of your spouse to your advantage during the divorce proceedings. Share your knowledge with your solicitor, as this will inform key strategic decisions during the process.

Regularly review and consider with your solicitor whether protective measures are required. There are options to protect you from such behaviour both via the Police and by making an application for an injunction in the family court (known as a non-molestation order).

This doesn't need to impact the progression of your divorce, though it may alter the approach to certain aspects of your case. 

Solicitors correspond and deal with litigants in-person regularly to progress divorce proceedings and concurrent financial matters, as well as any children proceedings.

If you’re unable to reach an agreement amicably, there are several options available to help you reach an agreement without the need to issue court proceedings. This is often referred to as ‘alternative dispute resolution’ or ‘non-court dispute resolution’. The options can include instructing solicitors to help with the negotiations. This can include solicitors who work collaboratively — attending mediation or hybrid (solicitor-assisted) mediation, arbitration and private financial dispute resolution hearings, as well as early neutral evaluations.

The first stage of dealing with finances on divorce is for there to be full and frank financial disclosure. Both parties will complete a Form E, which provides all the information and supporting documentation to enable your solicitor to advise you in relation to progression and settlement of your case. 

If there's a refusal to provide this on a voluntary basis, it'll be ordered by the Court when financial remedy proceedings are issued. The Court has enforcement powers should your spouse breach an order of the court.

Yes, your spouse can issue a divorce application at court without your consent or knowledge. They can make a sole application to court on the basis that the marriage (or civil partnership) has broken down irretrievably. While you will be given the opportunity to acknowledge the divorce, if you don’t your spouse can still continue with their application for a divorce so long as they can prove that you have received the application. 

If you feel confident enough to deal with the online divorce application yourself, there will only be the court fee to pay at the start of the process when you issue your application. If you instruct a solicitor, they may charge you an hourly rate or fixed fee to deal with the process for you. We recommend that you take legal advice prior to making any application to court.

While the general rule in family proceedings is that no costs orders are made, there are some exceptions. 

The rules in relation to costs orders are complex. Specific rules apply to different types of proceedings and interim hearings. 

In financial proceedings, these exceptions include litigation misconduct and running an untenable argument. 

In children proceedings, exceptions are only given in exceptional circumstances that involve a party’s extreme and/or adverse conduct.

It should also be noted that different rules apply to proceedings relating to property owned by cohabitants. In those proceedings, costs generally follow the event — meaning that if you’re successful, you can expect the court to order the unsuccessful party to pay all (or some) of your costs.

While the starting point in any divorce or dissolution case is a 50/50 equal split on the capital assets — such as the family home — certain factors can be considered that mean it wouldn’t be fair if the equity was split equally. In such circumstances, one person may therefore be entitled to a larger share. 

This could be due to a difference in earnings which mean that one person can afford to raise and pay for a larger mortgage and wouldn’t need as big a deposit to re-house themselves. The other partner who earns less would then need a larger slice of the equity for a deposit.

Potentially, yes — when you’re married or in a civil partnership, pensions are considered in the overall financial settlement to meet financial needs and can be shared. 

However, the length of the marriage or civil partnership and whether your partner has their own pension can affect the percentage of entitlement. Your partner’s pension is therefore considered in the overall family pot as well. 

In some situations, pensions aren’t shared and there’s a chance that they can remain intact. Instead, pension entitlement can be dealt with by way of ‘offsetting’ against capital assets such as money in bank accounts (like savings) and equity in the house. The other partner could receive a larger percentage of the capital assets instead of claiming a percentage of your pension.

When it comes to dividing the equity in the family home following divorce or the dissolution of a civil partnership, in normal circumstances it doesn’t matter if one person paid more towards the mortgage than the other or paid the initial deposit. This doesn’t deny the other person in the marriage or civil partnership an entitlement to the equity — so you shouldn’t make any assumptions about this.

The starting point is an equal division and the couples’ financial and housing needs should be met from any settlement. However, if one person paid the initial deposit, the property was purchased in joint names as tenants in common and a deed of trust was prepared to ringfence the deposit monies to protect them in the event of a separation, then the deposit can be taken into account. Yet this is just one factor among several others, so a holistic approach is taken when dealing with division of the family pot. The needs of the family — particularly any children — will always be the main consideration.

Consequently, it’s important to take expert legal advice prior to purchasing a property with a partner or entering a civil partnership or marriage.

Unfortunately, no. This is a very common myth. The reasons why a marriage or civil partnership breaks down doesn’t usually have any impact on the financial settlement reached. If your partner has committed adultery, this doesn’t mean that you’ll get more of the money or assets.