It is 18 years since donor anonymity was lifted, meaning that donor-conceived children in the UK would be able to access information about their donor from their eighteenth birthday.
With the start of the new year, the first cohort of babies born under that new scheme will reach that milestone, and have the option of acquiring information from the HFEA about their biological parent(s). The information is relatively limited – name, date of birth and last known address. For some, having just that information may be sufficient. For others, access to that information may be the start of a more substantive quest for more information, and/or a social relationship in some form, with their donor.
Initiating contact – what to consider
Whether information should be accessed and if so, how it is used is an intensely personal question and the answer will very much depend on individual circumstances. What does not vary, however, is the complex range of emotions that can arise from the decision about how to proceed, and from the events which can then unfold. There are various people involved: the donor-conceived person, the family in which they have been raised, and their donor and his or her family members. Sometimes everyone will be on the same page, but sometimes the hopes and expectations of everyone will not align.
There is no right or wrong way to go about accessing the information, or using it to make further enquiries once received, and each donor-conceived person will need to think about what is right for them. There are various resources that can help anyone involved – the individual themselves, their family, or the donor - deal with the step of making contact, answering further questions or forming a relationship. Organisations such as the Donor Conception Network have a wealth of knowledge and experience that can help people navigate the process, and some people find counselling a useful tool as they take steps to better know their genetic origins.
It can be useful to explore in advance (or as it happens) how the individual will absorb new information and/or a new genetic family, as well as how they will handle rejection if they want to progress to a more substantive interaction, but their donor does not. Whilst there is provision in law for the court to make declarations about legal parenthood for adults, or to deal with the issue of contact between a child and their donor, there is no provision as the law stands to force adults to engage in any form of social relationship, once the donor-conceived person reaches adulthood, and as such it can only happen if both agree.
